Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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