Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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