ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
