Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
