Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
