I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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