my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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