When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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