People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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