His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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