Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
