Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
