its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
