She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
