Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
