I think im going to throw up on grandma
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
