twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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