'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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