I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
