peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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