i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
