she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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