We named our party play list daddy issues
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
