BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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