That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
