I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
