there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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