Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
