I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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