actually, I'm a sock model
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
