You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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