I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
