They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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