i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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