You made me cry and you don't even care
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
