Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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