Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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