You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
