i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
