my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
love makes seman taste better
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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