Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
