Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
