her vagine was all disorganized.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
