There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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