i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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