So drunk its hurt
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
