Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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