decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
