My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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