omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
