i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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