So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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