Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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