I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
