I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're like the curious george of whores
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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