i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
