i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
