I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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