Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
