yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
