I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
