Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
