you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
