I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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