JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize