I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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