You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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