If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
