if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
