your parents love me but you hate me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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