shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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