Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
worst night to have a conscience
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
