nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
