i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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