Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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