I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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