i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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