i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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