party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
