All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
