Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize