Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
