Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
