its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
