I think my fart just growled at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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