nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
