i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
