I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
